One Year Old

Ethan,

Last year at this time you and I were not quite separate yet. I woke at 4:30 in the morning unsure if I was in labour - yet somehow knowing today was the day you were attempting your escape from my belly. I laid in bed quietly, while your dad and Cooper slept, thinking about when to phone the doctor...what to bring to the hospital...that we would soon know if you were a boy or a girl...what to name you!

When your Dad woke up a little after 6 to get ready for work I said, "You're not going to work today."

He said, "Really? How sure are you?"

"90 maybe 95% sure."

By then I was having unmistakable contractions so I told him to take Cooper for a walk while I had a shower. Then we would phone the doctor and go to the hospital. And we were off.

You were not in a hurry. I took a guess that you would be born between 1 and 2 that afternoon. I was a little off. We waited patiently all day while you slowly descended. By 9pm my doctor suspected you might not come out the usual way even though everything was looking perfect. A specialist came in to have a look and told us that you were facing the wrong direction. They asked us if we wanted to wait and see if you would turn - which was not likely. They were very careful with their words - dancing around the probability that I would be needing to have a C-section to get you out. "If I need a C-section, than let's do it", I said decisively. Your dad shot me sideways glances of concern knowing that really I was nervous.

After a bit of a wait I went into the OR and they prepped me while your Dad waited outside. I was really glad to see him when he came back in the room again. The doctors were all very nice and laughing and talking even though it was now 1 in the morning. I guess because there was no emergency everyone was relaxed and taking their time. That was nice and it made me feel even better. It seemed a bit like a TV show in there. It didn't seem real. I guess I watched too many "Baby Stories". Either that or it was so late and such a long day... The doctors talked through what was happening and finally we heard "Here it comes...whoa its a big one!", from someone in the room. The doctors hooted about how big you were as they brought you to the table where your Dad was going to cut the cord.

"What is it?", I asked.

Nobody had said yet if you were a boy or a girl.

"Its a boy!", one of the doctors said. "I KNEW it.", I'm not sure if I said that out loud or not...but I was definitely thinking it.I was trying to see you from where I was strapped down, but all I could see between the draped sheets and the people was one of your little arms flailing around while they cleaned you up. Finally they wrapped you up and your Dad carried you over to me and said, "Happy Anniversary." Our doctor said, "Really?" Yup, and there you were all squishy and pink with big, curious dark eyes.

In the recovery room they weighed you in at 10 lbs. 4oz. No wonder you weren't coming out! We also picked out a name for you there and then at 4 in the morning we were put in our hospital room. I didn't sleep at all that night. I just laid there and watched you in my arms or in the bassinet until the sun came up. And now, a year has passed. The most exciting, wonderful, joyous, challenging, hilarious year. The most amazing year, filled with the wonder of watching you grow every month. You are a delight, a rascal, a risk taker, a love. You giggle, you are silly, you make mischief, you love to laugh. Like always since you came into our lives, each month seems to go too fast. Yet, like always, the lesson you teach me again and again is to slow down, be present, and enjoy the pure intensity of every moment. You are more than I could have possibly dreamed of or imagined or hoped.

Happy Birthday, Ethan.

Love Mama